My Blog

Encountering the Golden Egg: Mary Magdalene Part 1

05/03/2013 12:53:00

I have been invited to attend a seminar on Mary Magdalene given by Kayleen Asbo. The first seminar was this last Wednesday, and it continues on for 6 more weeks.

http://www.kayleenasbo.com/mary-magdalene.html

At the end of this first lecture I was brought to tears as Kayleen reflected on the story of the resurrection as written by John in his Gospel. How Mary waited at the foot of the cross until Jesus took his last human breath. How the others all fled in fear for their own lives. And then how she visited his tomb for three days and on the third day, the door was rolled back and his body was gone. When Jesus appeared to Mary Magdalene in the garden, John writes that she mistook him for the gardener and asked him where the body of her Lord was. It was then that she recognized him and he gave her the transmission about his resurrection. "I am the Light and the Way." I imagine this was also Mary's resurrection in a sense, out of her deep grief and into her new light body, full of realization.

I was in tears because I was so moved by the thought of Mary's devotion.

I considered the power of Devotion as I drove home that night from Novato to Santa Rosa. Completely mind-altered, I drove 30 minutes out of my way. There were questions, memories from my life, images of resurrection and the voices of my guides all flowing with such grace through my head.

"What am I devoted to? Why have I been afraid of devotion? Whose feet would I pray at until they took their last breath?"

I thought of how I kept vigil by my beloved Grandfather's bedside as he, at 94, took his last breath; all the while singing to him songs to give him courage to let go.

I am devoted when it's safe. Grandpa was safe, kind, loving, generous.

My pattern has been to run away when I don't feel safe. I'm talking now about my perception of safety, not the reality. Sometimes running physically to safety is necessary. But psychological escape to less risky ground can become a major obstacle to growth, if not brought to consciousness.

I thought of how in the past, I would be devoted to a teacher or "way" on the surface, but my actions wouldn't follow through. I would talk the talk, and truly believe in what I was saying. Yet, when it came to letting go of ego and truly serving, I felt insulted. "I shouldn't have to clean toilets!"

A voice said, "You are devoted to your own image."

My entitlement and arrogance had distracted me. I was in service more to my image than to the Truth. I didn't want to take risks. Well, something in me must have wanted to grow because I did take many risks and my ego hated me for it. Over and over again, with different spiritual teachers, I re-created a traumatic story of being disillusioned, betrayed and shamed by them. Then I got to play my famous role of "self-righteous running away."

Eventually.... I saw the pattern, with the help of many of those same teachers. They were exemplifying to me true devotion. They were devoted to my growth, through thick and thin. As my teachers' faces flashed through my mind, I felt such love for them. I could feel the welling up of devotion to them in my heart. It felt powerful. Beyond the seen material reality.

How was I still distracting myself and hiding from truth?

I thought about all the ways my colleagues and myself market our work as teachers, healers, counselors, therapists. It seemed like so much of our energy was going to creating an image to market and hoping it took off. It wasn't that we weren't rooted in a greater desire for peace and love on Earth, but we were also distracted by our cultural conditioning and survival instincts.

What is the balance between survival reality and faith?

Suddenly, my body became tingly and warm all over. I saw the image of a huge golden egg cracking open in my heart. I began sobbing in my car, repeating the phrase, "Oh God, you are so beautiful!" Somehow, my car drove safely down the city streets, turning this way and that, bringing me home. I was aware that I didn't recognize anything, but I knew I was close to home. I had driven these streets before, but each turn brought me to the reverse location of what I expected. It was like I was in a mirror reality of the one I was used to.

Just then, my iPhone began playing the song "The Ballad of Mary Magdalene" by Richard Shindell through the blue-tooth in my car.

And I remember nights we spent

Whispering our creed

Our rituals, our sacrament

The stars our canopy

And there beneath an olive tree

We'd offer up our plea

God's creation, innocent

His arms surrounding me

Jesus loved me, this I know

Why on earth did he ever have to go

He was always faithful

He was always kind

But he walked off with this heart of mine

Hot tears poured from my eyes and my heart lifted me into a place of clarity.

I saw how fear was my greatest distraction. How love is my greatest destiny and work.

I saw how a fearless devotion to Love will bring me into my highest earthly destiny in this life.

I saw that all other parts of myself, the marketing and business realities, must be in service to this Devotion to Love.

A dream I had about a year ago flashed in my mind.

I was walking down a dirt road with a small group of people in a desert community. Walking towards us was Jesus with a small group of people. When I recognized him, I walked to his feet and prostrated. "Master." I said.

Jesus stood me up. He then prostrated at my feet and said, "Master."

In the clarity of my heart, the golden egg broken and shining golden light, I was able to see something about this dream I didn't see before. Jesus was bowing to the feminine principle. He was in reverence of the feminine. We both recognized the other as sacred and relevant to the balance on Earth. I thought of his relationship to Mary Magdalene. I imagined their mutual reverence. How they must have beautifully balanced each other's energies. Awakened man. Awakened woman.

The next song that started playing was "Beautiful Dawn" by the Wailin' Jenny's.

"Take me to the breaking of a beautiful dawn. Take me to the place where we came from. Take me to the end so I can see the start. There's only one way to mend a broken heart."

Take me to the place where I don't feel so small

Take me where I don't need to stand so tall

Take me to the edge so I can fall apart